I’m a Monster

When people first meet me, the first thing they think is, “Wow, he’s tall.” The second thing is, “Aaaaagh!” followed immediately by, “Be cool, don’t stare, he’s still a human being.” Most, sadly, aren’t able to convince themselves, and the relationship ends there. It’s not their fault–I know I’m hideous. You see, I’m missing the tip of my pinkie finger.

Behold, the nightmare!

Behold, the nightmare!

It comes up in all sorts of situations, this revulsion. In drive-thru at McDonald’s, an employee will take a quick look and then scuttle as quickly as possible to the bathroom, gagging. A lifelong friend who has never seen me without gloves will tell me it’s not working out, dry heaving all the while. My wife will tell me she has a headache, and then lean over the wastebasket.

It’s not my fault, this disgusting aberration. It happened one night, at a campfire, while riding a go-kart with an unlicensed ten-year-old. A turn was taken too quickly, a roll bar had never been installed, an engine was hungry for human flesh–and in that instant, I became a freak.

Re-enactment of my last moment as a non-freak.

Re-enactment of my last moment as a “normal”

It’s been a burden, truly, but I know it has made me a stronger person. I have had to work harder to become a below-average guitarist, though I will never be able to make a clean B-major. A pinkie ring big enough to fit over the misshapen bulb will hang loosely on my pinkie stalk. I will never be a hand model. And yet, through it all, I have learned to be brave, have endured the scorn and hatred sent my way by those too ignorant or uncompassionate to see that, beneath this mutant digit, there beats a human heart, the same heart as everyone else.

Look at me, people! I am a freak. I am a monster. And I am one of you.

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12 thoughts on “I’m a Monster

  1. hehehe! i laughed till i cried. 😀

  2. Oh, Brent, I am so sorry that I laughed while reading this. You told about your disgusting aberration in such a great way. I blogged about the day my husband shot himself in the hand with a 9 mm. (Always Check for One in the Chamber). He has his own aberration now. Men!

    • Maddie, thanks for reading. I have already forgiven you for laughing–my sorrow at my missing digit overwhelms everything else.

      I’m looking forward to reading your post when I get a chance–it’s amazing how many ways there are to destroy a hand.

  3. ridicuryder says:

    Hello Brent,
    Keep the Freak coming.

  4. UndercoverL says:

    Hand models are weird and self-righteous maniacs. I would venture it’s a club of freakery you should want no part of.

  5. Rini says:

    Hilarious! I just tumbled upon your blog and I love your style!
    I have my own aberration – the tip of my index finger has been missing ever since I got curious about the ways of the (motor-)scooter at age 2.
    And yea,I can totally imagine those expressions at McDonald’s (o the horror!)

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