Monthly Archives: January 2013

To Every Thing There Is a Season

And now, for something completely different:

Seems like every star’s the brightest star the world has ever seen,
Till they drink too much or just lose touch and piss away the dream.
And every year is gonna be the best year I have ever had,
And then it’s December and I can’t remember how a good thing went so bad.

And there’s always someone in the bathroom stall
Spraying their dreams on the bathroom wall,
Remembering when they stood so tall,
Oh, the unmitigated gall,
Of a being who thinks that they’re so clever
Like a migraine or a toothache never
Caused a sister with scissors to sever
The thread that could have run forever.

It’s appointed to a man once to die,
And appointed to his lover once to cry,
And appointed to his mother to voice regrets,
And appointed to his enemies to finally forget,
And appointed to the preacher to say he led a good life,
And appointed to the brother to take care of his wife,
There’s a time to dance and a time to die,
And it’s appointed to ones left behind to sigh.
I am just a jester so I won’t ask why,
But I’ll die when I decide to die,
And my funeral pyre will burn so brightly,
The crowds will congregate there nightly,
To exchange cliches about how they miss me,
And the girls can say how they wish they’d kissed me,
Until they don’t remember the original kindling,
My favorite books and the songs I’d sing,
Mourning always turns to laughter eventually,
Love, oh love, remember me.

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Some Days Are Like That


Not actual dog

Time: Yesterday, 11:00am to 10pm

Place: Home, outdoors, vetmobile

Events were as follows: All but baby woke up v. late, after staying up most of the night watching The Godfather[1]. Baby chose to wake up earlier than husband, wife, dog, cat, etc.

Baby peed in several places, mostly outside of diaper. Dog peed on floor. Cat peed in box. Wife did not pee. Husband considered peeing in solidarity, but opted not to.

Day started well enough, with discussion of compost bin creation. Discussion ended when husband made light of serious topic, refused to acknowledge insensitivity, setting off situation that had been brewing for most of the morning. Strong words resulted. [2]

1.5 hours of silent frustration later, husband began to gather animals for routine vaccinations [3]. Dog, while running from husband, ripped paw off, resulting in massive hemorrhaging and minor panic on behalf of husband. Wife, in classic “competent TV wife” mode [4], called vet, suggested taking bleeding dog to routine vaccination. Husband agreed, acquiesced [5]. Wife drove while baby screamed in seat and husband clutched trembling dog [6]. Husband forgot it was December, stood in line for 30 minutes in v. cold weather in what was essentially a blood-covered undershirt. Vet saved day with nail clippers, compassion.

Husband returned home, put dog in crate after following vet’s orders [7]. Learned shortly that towel selected to make crate homier for dog, which in the course of events ended up covered in dog nail blood, was actually one of only two expensive towels owned by household.

Rest of day continued thusly. Today was better. [8]

[1] Worth it.

[2] Note to worried readers: hugs and kisses were exchanged, but not immediately.

[3] Croup, bowel cancer, tinnitus

[4] See: every fat husband/skinny wife sitcom

[5] In case it is unclear, the initial argument was yet unresolved.

[6] Chihuahua

[7] Put flour on damaged nail, contain dog.

[8] Thank God.

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